Hi guys. I haven’t been using tumblr much lately, so sorry about that. Any and all of you are welcome to add me on snapchat if you’d like! my username is tayloromalley.
dont tell me how to live my life
My roommate just ordered “none pizza with left beef”
Dominos called him after placing the order online to make sure it was not a mistake. It is too early to be laughing this hard
im waiting for the day i can use this as a reaction image and confuse everyone for a good 5-30 seconds before they get it
i feel really dumb for not understanding this
my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this
look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit
if there was a post to describe australia, this is it
you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?
that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?
fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?
wake up australia
That’s what birds do
They fly around and fuck shit up
Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country
Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit
It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.
Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do
yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes
why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.
My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.
no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange
what the actual fuck australia
when a bunch of your favorite artists release new music at the same time
MY MOUSE IS DYING AND I HAVE NO SPARE BATTERIES
it doesn’t seem to want to eat it
I want 0 responsibilities and a lot of lingerie